Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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