i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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