i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
