he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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