In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
