Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
