forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
