the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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