we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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