can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
