you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
