im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
