Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
