Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
