you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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