i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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