i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
