Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
