if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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