I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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