can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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