i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
