Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
