What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
