then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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