Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
