I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
