she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
