so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dick has a subreddit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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