You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
