You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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