I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
