Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
