Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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