he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
