Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
