I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
