So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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