you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
