I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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