Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
