she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
