So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
