My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
