I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
