she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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