Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
