I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
