i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
