You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
