it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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