just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
